Somewhere Out There
by A.L.S.O
Summary: Will and Lyra are finally moving on, and several years later Lyra is even planning her wedding. But when Will finds the chance to be reunited with Lyra once again, will he? Or will he decide that it would cause too much pain and friction?
1. Moving On

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter One - Moving On

A/N: Please note that I **do not** know a lot about HDM.. I've only read the series twice and even though I like it **a lot**, I still can't remember every little detail. If there are any mistakes, please let me know so I can fix them. Thanks! :)

Okay, a little while ago I saw someone write something about the idea of Will and Lyra getting back together was so over-used, and even though those are practically the only ones I read, I sort of agree. So I came up with this.. Review?

Will Parry stood nervously outside the white picket fence. A warm glow was coming from the open windows and gentle chatter drifted through the screens; the house looked friendly, but Will felt anything but welcomed.

"This is for the best," Kirjava whispered gently from the ground beside Will. She brushed against his legs to reassure him, but the terrible ache in his heart didn't cease.

"I feel like I'm betraying her," he said gently, tears pricking at his eyes at the mention of who he spoke of. "It hurts to know that I am."

"You're not betraying her," she told him. "You both agreed to see other people, you know you did. Would you want her to see other people in her own world?"

"No," he answered selfishly. "I know she and I decided that, but I just can't bear the thought of her loving someone else."

Kirjava made a soft mew and leapt up into Will's arms, brushing her soft fur against his neck. "You know she will never love another like she did you."

Will nodded. He had to do it--for his promise to Lyra, for himself, for his _health_. For two years he had lived his life in a state of depression and automation; doing only what he had to, as if living were just a daily routine he was burdened to for the rest of his life.

"Go on," Kirjava pushed. She bounded to the ground, camouflaged in the warm summer night, and watched with a pitiful and miserable look as he opened the gate and ascended up the walk.

"I-is Cynthia there?" he asked nervously, once someone opened the door after he knocked. A black-haired girl his age appeared behind what seemed to be her father; she smiled warmly at him and Will felt his pulse race.

__

You're not betraying her, you're not, he thought to himself over and over as Cynthia introduced him to her father.

"No drinking and driving and be back by eleven," he said with a laugh. Cynthia kissed him quickly on the cheek before skipping down the front steps.

"Hi Will," she smiled, taking his hand in her own.

"H-hi."

***

"Pan, please don't make me do this," Lyra begged, nervously biting her lip. "You know I don't feel right doing it…"

Pantalaimon turned in her arms to look at her and saw a silent tear fall onto her cheek. It was hard for the both of them, that much they knew; but something she still couldn't grasp was the notion of moving on. He stretched up to her face and licked her softly, trying to give her as much comfort as he could.

"I can't, I just can't," she said, more tears falling. "You know it's too hard for me."

She hugged him closer and sobbed into his silky fur. Around her a slight wind stirred and her navy skirt swirled about her knees; the night was peaceful and quiet, except for the occasional passing of a raucous crowd. But Lyra was miserable; she hated how she had been separated from Will, she hated having to move on, she hated _knowing_ what she had to do.

Yes. She knew. She knew she had to…

"Lyra?"

Lyra whipped around, quickly drying her tear-stained face, to find why she had been there in the first place. A flaxen boy stood a few feet away, his sheltie dæ mon sitting obediently beside him.

"Hello, Collin," she said, attempting and failing to sound cheerful.

"Hi." Collin noticed the tears but said nothing, and for that Lyra would always be grateful. "I thought maybe we could walk to _Gillian's Café_?"

Lyra smiled at his effort to be gentle with her. To show him she was alright, Pan jumped from her arms to greet the miniature collie and she took one of Collin's hands. "I would love that."

Somewhere out there, in a world so different and so similar to her own, she was aware that Will was following her own actions… he knew what he had to do, too.

A/N: Short, I know. And I have NO idea where I'm going with this story!! Help!


	2. The Knife Revisits

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Two - The Knife Revisits

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

__

Will was walking along quietly with Cynthia. He was nervous, more than he ever had been, and had nothing to say either. The moon shone on her dark hair and eyes, and he had to admit she was very beautiful.

He felt a small pang in his heart as he thought of Cynthia's appearance. You're not betraying her… _He looked behind him at Kirjava, padding along pretending to be an alley cat, for reassurance anyway. _You're not_--_

"Is everything okay?"

Will whipped around, startled by Cynthia's voice. "Um… yeah, I-I'm fine."

Cynthia laughed and touched his arm slightly, causing butterflies to erupt in his stomach. "Don't be so tense," she told him, with a brilliant white smile. "I really like you Will."

She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek, and for the first time since he was separated from Lyra, Will considered having feelings for another girl.

Will gasped, sitting straight up in bed, a light blanket of sweat on his face. Kirjava was awake beside him and she placed herself on his lap, licking his hand as he panted and tried to calm himself; it was like that every time he dreamt of such memories. It had been over eight years ago since he finally started dating again, and even though he was presently fine with it, he was still haunted by his decision.

Lying back down, the recollections consumed him again, only this time of another girl. A girl with tawny hair and bright blue eyes, and a kiss that always reminded him of little red fruit…

"You look gorgeous, darling!"

Lyra stared at herself uncertainly in the mirror. The wedding dress she wore was white with a pale blue trim, so pallid the color was barely noticeable, and that made it all the more beautiful. The skirt was bell shaped and swished around her ankles, and she smiled at the feel.

"I like this one," she agreed turning to her company. Lilith, her closest friend from St. Sophia's, nodded fervently, a wide smile on her face.

"I told you! And it matches beautifully with your eyes."

Lyra looked back at her reflection. Her blond hair had grown waist-length since the night she parted with Will forever, and she kept it tied in a long French braid; her eyes were still brilliant and a clear blue, and the features of her face were as soft as ever. Next to her on the platform she stood on was her pine marten dæ mon, looking content and fulsome.

"I think Will will like this one," she said absentmindedly.

"What?" Lilith inquired, puzzled.

"Hm?" Lyra turned towards her friend again, unaware of her mistake.

"You said 'Will' would like that dress… who's Will?"

Lyra blushed and had to twist the other way to hide her tears. _I can't believe I just said that! _she thought incredulously, and almost laughed at herself. _Will has surely moved on… don't cry over a boy you'll never see again_. "I… I don't know. I just made a mistake, that's all."

"Uh huh," said Lilith slowly, with an uncertain look.

"Anyway," Lyra added quickly, "yes, I think I'll get this one."

She stepped off the stand and with one more look towards her mirrored image, she headed towards the dressing room with a smile.

"Hello, beautiful," said Collin, standing and kissing Lyra gently on the cheek. He helped her into her seat before sitting back down in his own. "How was your day?"

"Fine. I picked out my dress, finally," she added with a grin. "But you can't see it until I walk down the aisle. Bad luck, you know."

Collin laughed. "If you say so. Are you having the regular for dinner?"

Lyra looked over the menu, though it really made no difference. Every time they went to _Gillian's Café_ (which was often, because it reminded them of their first date) she always ordered the same thing: an omelet and baked beans, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Collin didn't know why; coming from Jordan College, she was accustomed to much fancier meals, but the simple food of the café seemed to give her pleasure. He didn't ask about why she ordered it, knowing it was private, but he always did notice the slight glaze of tears in her eyes as she ate.

"I'll just have an omelet and baked beans," she told the attendant, not in the least surprising Collin.

"I'll have a cup of tea and some tomato soup." After Collin ordered, he turned to Lyra again with a loving smile. "So, all the wedding plans are finally finished."

"Just about. The invitations must be sent, and then everything is finished."

"You are happy, aren't you?"

"Of course. I've never been happier in all my twenty-four years," she said with a laugh.

Pantalaimon stirred in her lap and she had to put her hand on his reddish-gold head. He, as well as Lyra, knew that was an absolute lie.

***

"Hey, Will! Telephone!"

Will's head appeared from the doorway, looking confusedly at his roommate, John. He wasn't expecting a phone call. "Who is it?"

"Says she's Mary Malone."

Will smiled, walking into the room and reaching for the phone. It had been at least a month since he had last heard from his good friend. "Hi, Mary, it's great to hear from you!"

But the voice on the other end didn't sound happy; it may have even been choked with tears, Will couldn't tell.

"Hello, Will. How have you been?"

"I'm fine," he responded quickly, his straight brows furrowing. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, of course. But… do you think you could stop by later? There are some things here that belong to you, and I know you would want them."

"Today isn't good, actually. I have plans. How about tomorrow?"

Mary sighed. "Well… yes, I suppose tomorrow is fine. Come around two."

"I could cancel my date, if you want me to--"

"No, no, don't do that. Go out. Have fun."

The dial tone rang in his ear and Will placed the phone on the receiver, a confused look grazing his face. Kirjava entered the room, sensing that something was wrong.

"Mary," Will answered on instinct. "Mary called. Said something about some things I need to pick up."

He rubbed his forehead, the curiosity biting strongly. And why had she sounded so sad? It didn't occur to him at that moment that she could possible be upset because in one week it would be Midsummer's Eve, exactly ten years since the separation.

Mary hung up the phone and stared at the broken shards of the Subtle Knife on the table in front of her. The once shadow-colored blade was right side up but the swirling mists of colors were gone, instead replaced with what was frighteningly similar to the aurora. Blues, pinks, purples, oranges, yellows--they formed the Northern Light's curtains and shimmied across the silver surface.

Mary was terrified, there was no doubt about it. Her hands were shaking and her heart beat loudly in her ears; what alarmed her most of all, was how she seemed deathly afraid of something that supposedly had lost its abilities. 

Her dæ mon fluttered up to her shoulder. "We shouldn't assume anything," he chirped in her ear, "not until we talk to Will."

Mary nodded, closing her eyes tightly. _Don't worry about it_, she thought fiercely, _just don't worry about it_.

A/N: If it seems like Lyra is speaking more properly than before, I figured she probably would had she decided to go to St. Sophia's… so… yeah, that's it. Next chapter'll be up soon.


	3. The Window

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Three - The Window

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

His jacket flung over his shoulders and one hand stuffed in his pants pocket, Will walked down the moonlit street with his dæmon, whistling _Heigh-Ho_ from a Disney movie he remembered as a child. His date hadn't gone well; he never had any luck with girls, but he didn't particularly care. He wasn't really interested in finding someone to settle down with. He was still young, he had plenty of time.

"Look," said Kirjava suddenly, interrupting his hymn.

Will looked up and found himself at the corner of Mary's street. It was only ten and most houses were still lit and awake, but Mary's was too far down for him to tell. "Do you think we should stop by?" he asked. "See what's the matter?"

Without an answer, Kirjava began toddling down the street towards Mary's flat.

Mary walked into the kitchen to fix herself some coffee, still considerably anxious by the knife that hadn't move from her dining room table. Her hands shook as she added sugar and cream, and upon hearing a knock at the door, she dropped the carton altogether.

"Oh no," she groaned, grabbing a hand towel and trying to wipe up the mess. Another knock reminded her that she had a visitor and she called, "Come in!"

"Mary?"

A familiar face appeared from behind the door, a cat purring at his feet.

"Oh, Will!" she cried in relief. "I'm_ so_ glad you're here!"

Will nodded, closing the door behind him. "We thought we'd stop by, we were really worried by your phone call earlier."

"Sorry," she apologized, turning back to the mess on the floor. "I was just a little stressed."

"About what?"

She finished cleaning the cream and picked the rag up, throwing it in the sink. With one hand on her hip, and staring at her white counter as if it fascinated her, Mary said quietly but simply, "The knife."

__

The knife…

"What?" Lyra looked up from the book she was reading. "Pan, did you say something?"

Pantalaimon had been resting sleepily in her lap but he had uncurled before she even spoke, his head risen high in the air, his ears perked. "No, but did you hear that?"

"You heard it too?"

"It sounded like…" He trailed off and Lyra knew he was going to say Mary; they hadn't liked speaking willingly aloud about her or Will since Lyra had started seeing Collin, and Pan squirmed squeamishly in her arms.

"Yes, I know," Lyra soothed. "We were probably just hearing things…"

She settled back again and continued her book, but Pantalaimon was uneasy for the rest of the night. 

"The knife," Will gasped when Mary had led him to it. It was shining even brighter than when Mary had first discovered it several hours ago and reflected so brightly it made luminous shadows dance across his face as he leaned towards it.

"Well?" Mary asked after he had examined it, prodding it gently, feeling the surface, turning it back and forth.

"Well nothing," he shrugged, though he looked nervously away from her. "It seems completely normal besides the fact that it's glowing. If you don't mind, I'm going to get a glass of water."

"But don't you think you should look at it more? Something? Anything?" Mary pestered.

Will shook his head and walked towards the kitchen but Kirjava didn't move; feeling her hesitation, Will moved back towards the table, and Mary suddenly noticed the solemn look on his face.

"What is it?" said Mary. Will's face had gone gray and he couldn't speak, so Kirjava explained for him.

"Will feels the atoms. They are active, willing… and perfectly capable." She didn't say of what but instead turned to Will. He was staring at the knife and after a moment or so, put out his hand on her fur as if to draw some courage from her silky fleece. Knowing what he was thinking, Kirjava spoke once more:

"Yes, Will. You know you have to."

Mary had gone whiter than paper and Will looked up to see her dæmon quivering more than she. The bird was slightly transparent because Will still had trouble focusing such that he could see other's dæmons, but enough to know that they were incredibly worried.

Slowly, Will bent down and picked up a broken piece of the knife: the very tip. It seemed heavier than he remembered, and at first the metal appeared alien in his hand. But adjusting it just so, he found it seemed more at home in his fingers than anything else ever had been.

"I don't think this is a good idea," he said shakily.

"We need to know, Will," Mary said, her voice a mere squeak.

Will turned back to the knife-tip. The colors were glowing and swirling across the sheen surface and Kirjava inched closer for a better look. "Hurry, Will," she purred.

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. But the feeling of the familiar metal in his hands was overpowering and an image of Lyra came to him, and he knew that even after all those years he could not cut through his love for her. She sat in a field of grass, pushing her hair behind her ears and bending over the golden alethiometer, all her concentration focused on the instrument in her hands.

Mary knew instantly what he saw when a smile grazed his face and he looked sad and distant. "Don't, Will," she chided gently. "This isn't the time to be thinking about her."

"Sorry," Will muttered, shaking his head. He inhaled and exhaled several times to keep calm, trying to direct himself completely to that little point at the end of the knife. 

Expecting to be out of practice or have even forgotten, he was surprised that by his third try he found every fiber of his deliberation exactly where he had meant for it to be. So surprised, in fact, that the piece of the knife fell to the floor and he lost the concentration.

"I'm so nervous," he sighed, falling back onto the couch and running his shaky hands through his hair. "I just… I-I just don't think this is necessary."

"It is," said Mary, taking a seat beside him. "We _need_ to know what the knife can do again, if anything. Our next step after that will be easier, I promise."

Will rubbed his face, gradually becoming aware that he was exhausted and wanted nothing more but to go home and go to bed. But he had his obligation to attend to first…

"I'm ready." He stood and picked up the slice of knife, holding it carefully between his fingertips. He was aware of Mary sitting behind him, breathing heavily; of Kirjava on the table, watching the knife almost expectantly; of his racing heart and shallow breathing; but most of all, of that tiny metal in his hand that brought him the love of his life and ruthlessly took her away.

"Don't think of her," Kirjava added and Will nodded, closing his eyes tightly and trying to concentrate.

Minutes passed. Mary watched with wide eyes as he stood entirely still, even his dæmon didn't move a hair. His concentration radiated off of him and she felt the strength and willpower he was gathering and directing towards the very tip, and just when she thought nothing was going to happen--that's when she heard it. The small tinkling of water.

Mary stood in a flash. Will's eyes were still closed and he was grimacing, as if afraid to see what he had done, and soon she found out why. Moving to the side, a stone fountain came into view and Jordan College loomed in the dark behind it.

A window leading into Lyra's world was hanging in the middle of her living room.

A/N: Okay this doesn't mean Will is going to run to Lyra and they'll live happily ever after… I don't even know if he is going to see Lyra again. It depends. I thought I knew what I was going to do, (Will and Lyra wouldn't meet again) but it seems like some of you _want_ them to get together. So…? What do you guys want me to do?


	4. Brief Encounters

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Four - Brief Encounters

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

"Will!"

Lyra sat straight up in bed, her face damp with sweat and her chest heaving as she gasped for breath. Pantalaimon was shaking around her neck and she held onto him fiercely, as if afraid she would lose him.

"Lyra?" Collin sat up in bed beside her. He reached over and switched on the lamp standing on his bedside table, then turned to look worriedly at her. "Is everything alright?"

"I-I'm fine," she nodded, closing her eyes tightly. "I, uh… I only had a nightmare, that's all."

"Do you want me to get you a glass of water?"

"No, thank you. R-really, I'm fine, let's just go back to bed." She smiled reassuringly at him and he returned the gesture, kissing her quickly before shutting the light off.

"Oh, by the way," Collin added after they had laid back down, "who is Will?"

Lyra's eyes went wide and Pantalaimon jumped in her arms. _Is this the time to tell him the truth_? she thought to Pantalaimon. _Maybe I should finally tell him_.

__

No, Pan replied, _we aren't ready. The wound is still fresh, it would hurt too much to have to repeat the past events._

What should I do?

Lie.

Lyra smiled slightly, relieved she could use a talent she was so familiar and comfortable with. "He was just an old friend of mine from school."

"But you went to an all-girls school."

She hadn't even told him about Jordan and silently cursed herself for not remembering so; but she was a skillful liar, she could fix the damage made. "He worked in the kitchens. Sometimes all the girls were just too overwhelming… I had to escape now and again."

Collin chuckled. "Sounds just like my Lyra." He rubbed her arm affectionately before turning back over and falling asleep.

When she was sure that he wasn't awake, Lyra whispered to her dæmon, "That was such a horrible dream, Pan," and a tear dropped onto his golden fur.

"Let's go for a walk," he said, crawling to her breast; and she held him tightly as she silently slipped out of bed.

Will was crying.

He hadn't cried since he parted with Lyra and it was a shock when he felt the tears streaming down his face, but he couldn't help the dull ache in his heart. It was almost as painful as when he had left his dæmon behind to enter the world of the dead; it was tiring and burning not only mentally, but physically.

Mary gathered her senses first and shook him roughly, causing Kirjava to mew from the table. "Close the window, Will," Mary whispered fervently. "Hurry, close the window!"

"I can't, I can't," Will said, shaking his head and sobbing.

"You have to! You can't leave a single window open, and this one is just as important as the others--"

"I can't…" This time he tried but he was so weak from anguish that his fingers couldn't quite grasp the edges of the window. His hand slipped again and again, and Mary sighed, knowing it wouldn't be closed any time soon.

"Take a seat," she said, helping him onto the sofa. "Just calm down for a little while, and then you can close it."

"I can't calm down," Will responded almost bitterly. "W-when the knife was broken and it didn't work, it wasn't as hard to live w-without… without… L-Lyra."

Mary knew how hard it was for him to say her name; she hadn't heard him say it in so long that aloud it had lost its meaning, but now all the memories, feelings, experiences… they were all flooding back.

"But now that I have the knife working," Will continued, "how do you think I can bare living and knowing that she's in my reach?" He was crying freely again. "_So_ close, _so_ incredibly close…"

"Yet millions of worlds away," Mary reminded him.

"It was so _strange_, Pan," Lyra was saying. "How could a window have been made? The knife is broken, it can't be mended, and yet I dreamt that there was a window from our world to…"

Lyra and her dæmon were suddenly silent. Her heart was beating ardently, thinking of a certain name she wished but dreaded to speak… Pan swallowed his feelings first.

"Will and Kirjava's," he said, and from then on Lyra's fear of saying their names was no longer existent.

"Yes," Lyra said quietly, nodding and looking sadly at the ground. "Will made a window…"

The thrill of saying Will's name voluntarily was one she hadn't been expecting; she had been with Collin for so long that the feel of it was foreign to her. But both Pantalaimon and Lyra felt the electricity thrive through them and Will's name sat at the tip of her tongue, eager to say it aloud again.

Pan interrupted her thoughts by saying, "But it was only a dream."

"Only a dream," Lyra echoed. "It just felt so real…"

Pantalaimon and Lyra looked up and found themselves in front of Jordan College. They had been walking for nearly twenty minutes and this is where their walk had inadvertently brought them…

The college was as tall and grand as ever, and Lyra remembered every little nook and cranny of the elaborate building that she had explored as a child. It was late and all the occupants were asleep, but she felt she needed the warmth and comfort of her old home, so she slipped around Jordan and towards the garden, dæmon in hand.

Drawing in a long, deep breath, Will stood and faced the window. It was invisible to him, and only if he moved slightly to the side could he see a dark building against an even darker side; but he felt the atoms of the window active and living, and he reached his hand forward to shut the last way into Lyra's world.

His finger's slipped. He couldn't tell if it was because he was scared or nervous or because his love for Lyra had never been stronger… but he couldn't concentrate, couldn't grasp the infinitesimal edges of the window.

That's when he heard someone talking, though he could barely make out what was being said, and he wouldn't have listened if he hadn't heard his own name amidst the quiet chatting.

Lyra sat down on a bench beside a fountain behind Jordan College. She heard the running water of the fountain and the rhythmic chirruping of insects in the grass, and her mind was so calmed that all her worries and regrets left in a second. 

"Where d'you think we would be right now, Pan, if we hadn't stayed hidden in the Retiring Room?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Probably still at Jordan," he answered sleepily. "So many things would be different…"

"We wouldn't have met Iorek or Serafina Pekkala or Lee Scoresby or--"

"Or Will."

"Mmm hmm," Lyra said quietly, looking down at the grass. "Pan?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think we would have been better off if we hadn't met Will?"

Lyra waited for an answer but when none came, she looked around and realized that Pan was no longer resting on the bench. He was running across the grass towards something invisible to her, and she felt the urgency and longing as he sped faster and faster…

"Pan, wait! Wait!"

Lyra jumped up and darted after him, eager to see what was luring him in.

Kirjava strained her ears to hear who was speaking, but the sound was too far off. "Close the window, Will," she said, feeling a rush of peril.

"I'm trying," said Will, and once again his fingers closed on nothing.

Mary was pacing beside him. She felt it too. It was something nauseating and fearful and full of pain, almost like the feel of a Specter feeding on one's dæmon.

And that's when Will saw it: someone was fleeing across the lawn towards the window, and yet unaware of what was hanging in midair.

"Someone's coming," Will said quietly and hurriedly. "If they find the window…"

He tried again but the window didn't close. 

"Oh, hurry Will," Mary sobbed.

A deep breath and an encouraging look from Kirjava pushed him to try once again. He reached forward slowly, the runner only a few yards away, and this time he felt his fingertips connect with the atoms; steadily, he slid his fingers gradually along the window, and just as it closed completely, he heard a heart-wrenchingly familiar voice scream, "WILL!"

Lyra was following Pantalaimon hurriedly, because now a new feeling was upon them both. It was the deepest, strongest feeling either of them had ever felt, and they had experienced it only once before: it was love.

"Pan, Pan!" she was calling, and she saw him suddenly halt in shock. He was so shaken that he couldn't move at all, except for the trembling of his astonishment and the slow formation as he prepared to spring.

Lyra looked up at what Pantalaimon was about to jump into, and she found herself becoming as still as her dæmon. She rubbed her eyes, but there was no mistaking it. She saw Will and Mary and Kirjava… there was a window into Will's world, just a few feet away!

That's when she noticed it was closing. She couldn't tell if Will saw her or not, but obviously he couldn't if he was closing the window, she thought.

The window was almost closed, only a small gleam of light shone through a whole the size of Lyra's thumb. And with every last instinct she had, she screamed as loud as she could, "WILL!"

The sound was anguished and full of love, but the window was closed and the way into another world was gone, and the cry was left to echo off into the night.

A/N: That didn't turn out too well. Oh well. I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'm not sure how soon I'm going to be able to get the next part out.


	5. Xaphania

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Five - Xaphania

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

"WILL!"

Lyra's voice echoed in Will's mind, as if haunting him, mocking the fact that the person running towards the window had been Lyra, and he had closed the window just before seeing her…

Kirjava was shivering in a corner, huddled as far away as she could from everything, as if she were frightened for her life; and as Will knew, she was.

Mary was on the sofa with her bird dæmon perched on her lap as she wept, and Will wished he had the strength to cry with her. But his heart had broken so quickly in that last second that he closed the window, and he had received such a shock, that he felt as though all the strength had been drained from him, and he wasn't able to drop a single tear.

"Well…" he said softly, and that was the last thing he remembered before he collapsed, unconscious, on the floor.

The Master of Jordan College had known Lyra for practically her whole life, and on several occasions he saw her cry before she gave it up all together; but never had he heard her cry before like he did that night, never had he even heard a sound to heartrending and passionate.

"Shh, Lyra," he said quietly, cradling the grown woman. "Tell me what happened."

"P-Pan and I had a horrible dream tonight. We dreamt that W-Will's knife was working, only it wasn't whole again! He used only the tip! W-well, we came for a walk and stopped in the garden…"

She sobbed again, and her body shook vehemently.

"Go on, dear."

Lyra took a deep breath and started again. "And that's when I think Pan saw it." Her eyes darted around the room, but she knew Pan wasn't in there. He had fled. He was somewhere nearby, she could feel it, but he was so frightened and inconsolable and miserable…

"Saw what?"

"T-the window. There was a window, right there! Oh, I never thought I'd see one again, but it was there in front of me… And I saw Will! He was grown up like me, but I would recognize him anywhere. He's still as handsome as ever," she added quietly.

"And what next?"

"He was c-closing the window. I wanted to stop him, I wanted to see him only one more time. But he was closing it so fast, and when I called his name, I was only just too late…"

More crying and the Master felt his robe dampen with her tears. He was speechless. He knew how painful that night had been for her, and he had no words that could possibly even begin to bring her comfort.

"Well…" he said, just as Will had in his own world, and he said nothing else as Lyra continued to cry in his arms.

When Will woke up again, he found he was in the room he had slept in when he had lived with Mary. Turning over, he saw the other bed his mother had used, and he flinched at the thought of her; she had died three years before, and it was still a painful memory. But peering more closely, he noticed her bed was not empty…

"Xaphania?"

It was merely a guess, because it looked as though an angel were sitting on the bed, though it was near impossible to tell because the appearance was so slight and barely visible.

"Yes," a voice responded. Will's guess was right.

Will sat up in bed, half shocked, half happy, half terribly worried. "H-hello… what're you doing here?"

"I think you know."

Xaphania was completely impassive and Will couldn't tell what she was feeling, and that made him nervous.

"The knife?" he barely squeaked out.

"Yes. Last night you used the knife."

"I didn't do anything intentionally, honest. I-I was just seeing if it still worked… it was glowing and I knew that if it did work, I would have to find a way to destroy it completely."

"I know. And in that way you have gained much wisdom, Will, in a way you haven't even thought. But that is not the only reason I'm here."

She gave a moment for Will to contemplate what her purpose was but however much he tried, he couldn't think of any motive that would bring her there.

Will shrugged and Xaphania continued, "The last time we met, Lyra--" and she saw Will tremble at the mention of her name "--and you were just leaving childhood, and still had much to learn. Yet you _were_ erudite in some ways, and you knew you had a duty to undertake. So now I must ask you this, Will: why haven't you begun?"

"Begun what?"

"Think. You know."

Kirjava jumped onto the bed at that moment and as she settled in Will's lap, he could feel she was still shaking from the previous night. _The Republic of Heaven_, she thought to him, understanding his confusion.

"Oh!" Will cried aloud. "The Republic of Heaven, of course…"

"Exactly. Lyra has already taken the first steps by trying to learn the alethiometer once again, and secretly spreading word that the Authority and his realm were overthrown, and that it was for the best. Now everyone in Lyra's world knows: that a new nation has to be built, and though several groups still disagree, most are her followers and have already begun. And what have you done?"

Will gulped and blushed deeply. He had worked hard for several years, though he was lost as to which direction he should start in. Mostly, he had read books on dominions, but even that came to a sudden stop after his mother died. When she passed on, he gave up the Republic of Heaven. It was as far away from him as Lyra was…

"N-nothing," he finally responded.

If Will could have seen Xaphania clearly at that moment, he would have saw that she were smiling, but he sensed it nevertheless, and furrowed his brows in confusion. "See, that is where you are wrong, Will. Last night you took great courage in opening a window. You knew the danger, the threat, it could bring if even one tiny splinter was made… You knew so much could be lost if you did, but you tried anyway. I admire you, William Parry, for the daring you showed."

This only confused Will more. He had known the risk, the peril he could be entering if he made a window, but he didn't think it had been so audacious as Xaphania was making it out to be…

"With that valor, you took the biggest step yet in producing the Republic of Heaven."

Will's jaw dropped. "H-how?"

"The knife is shattered, broken, we both know that. But what I did not know, and still have yet to understand, is why when you used the very tip of the destroyed knife that you opened a window: a window that did not liberate Dust, that did not create a Specter, and that helped in the development of your obligation."

Will and his dæmon's heart leapt so high that they both emitted tiny cries of joy and tears sprang into their eyes. Never, not once in Will's whole entire life, had he felt so happy.

"I know what you're thinking," said the angel quietly. "And I knew it would come to this. I wish I had more time to explain everything you should know, but I, too, have a task to partake in, so I'll leave you with this: even though you have the ability to see Lyra once again, that does not mean it is the right choice. Think carefully, Will, before you make an life altering decisions."

That fleeting moment when Will had felt exultant disappeared before he could even reach out and try to hold it close, and he felt robbed of something he had worked his whole life for. He opened his mouth to speak to Xaphania, but when he looked up he realized she was gone; there was no longer a hazy shimmer where she had once stood.

"What do you think she meant, Kirjava?" he asked softly.

Kirjava purred. "Xaphania was only pointing out that seeing Lyra might be too painful for the both of you, if things didn't work out in the end."

"Like not being able to make windows anymore?"

"Exactly. You would both be confined to your own worlds again, and the second time would be even more painful than the first."

"But you heard her!" he said desperately, meaning the angel. "She said that I made that window, and everything remained safe, nothing changed."

"It might not be like that forever. Maybe this is a brief to test your strength--if you give in and go to Lyra, you fail."

"It might not be," Will whispered, but that's all he said, and when Mary came in to check on him some five minutes later, she saw him and his dæmon were fast asleep.

A/N: I realized I hadn't mentioned the Republic of Heaven so I had to add that little bit in there. This chapter basically didn't go anywhere, just… did nothing. Yeah. I have the next part written already. When I think you've suffered enough, I'll put it up. 


	6. The Letter

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Six - The Letter

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

It had been a week since Lyra saw Will closing the window leading into her world, and try as she might to forget the pain, it always came back to her. She had said nothing to Collin, and probably never would; when he noticed how aggrieved she looked, she had explained that she was just feeling nervous about the wedding. The mystery of how the knife was working again, how Will came to realize it, why he had made a window, if she would ever see him again, and the other hundred questions running in her mind, remained unsolved and she made no attempt to unravel them.

Pantalaimon had come back to her on her way home from Jordan College, still trembling and mewing little sounds of grief, and he still had barely said anything to her. He was so frightened and upset, and Lyra wished beyond anything that she could help him. But he didn't want to be helped, so she waited patiently until he was ready to speak about what had happened.

In the meantime, her wedding was less than two weeks away and she had plenty on her mind.

"Will?" said Mary, knocking on the bedroom door. "I have some dinner here for you."

"I'm not hungry."

"Will," Mary sighed. "I really think you should eat. You've been in the bedroom all day."

"I want some time to think, that's all."

"Good. Well so do I," she said stubbornly. "We can think together."

She opened the door and found him laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, his cat dæmon sitting in front of the window. He didn't say anything while she put the tray of food on the bedside table, but as she sat down on a chair beside him, he whispered, "I had a visit from an angel this morning."

"Xaphania?" said Mary.

"Mhm."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What did she say? It was about the knife, wasn't it?"

"Partly. About the Republic of Heaven, too. And…Lyra."

Mary didn't say anything but waited for him to continue. It wasn't nearly as hard for her as it was for him, and she couldn't even imagine what he had gone through.

"I can't decide if it's a miracle or not," Will said. "Xaphania told me that I used the knife without squandering any Dust, or even creating a Specter."

"Oh, Will, that's wonderful!" Mary cried. "Now you can see--"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Xaphania said that even though it's a possibility, doesn't mean that I should do it."

"But Will… this is something you want more than anything. You can't just give up the opportunity."

"Well what if that opportunity leaves me? And I have to part with Lyra again? It would be so hard…"

"Or it could be the best possible thing ever," Mary whispered. Her dæmon fluttered off of her shoulder and joined Kirjava at the window, and for a moment she stared at the setting sun's pastel colors become golden on his glossy black coat. Then she turned back to Will. "At one point, you would have given anything just to spend one more minute with Lyra. You would never have given this chance away. In a moment, without even thinking, you would have jumped up and made a window right this second. Possibly, you could have grown wiser, and want to think about your decision first. But there isn't much to think about." She lowered her voice and placed her hand gently on his arm, and he tore his gaze from the ceiling and looked at her uncertainly. "Or maybe, Will, just maybe…you don't love her anymore."

His face grew red with fury and Mary smiled, knowing that would happen and exactly what she had wanted to do.

"See, Will?" she said. "You love her. You always will. Go to her…"

She stood and her dæmon flew out of the room, and she followed.

"Kirjava?" said Will.

She bounded onto the bed and sat on her hind legs beside his arms. "I know…" she said understandingly.

"What should we do? Should we make a window?"

Instead of answering, Kirjava looked towards the window again and mewed such a sound that Will had never heard and tears sprang to his eyes. It was painful and full of love and desire and everything Will had felt when he was with Lyra, and when he was leaving her and missing her so much. And he knew somewhere in his heart that it meant a yes.

"I'll write her a letter," Will sniffed. "I'll ask her to meet me in the Botanic Garden, on our bench. If she comes, I know she still loves me."

He pulled out a pen and paper and began to write. He wished he could write a thousand pages telling Lyra how much he missed her, but he controlled himself and made it short and simple, and signed it with, "Love always and forever, your Will." The only problem was, how could he get it to her?

"I will take it," said Kirjava. "Cut a window into her world and I'll find her."

"What if someone sees you?" Will protested.

"I'll go at night, no one will see me. I'm only hoping…"

She trailed off and whimpered quietly. Will knew what she meant. She didn't want Pantalaimon to see her; it would give everything away.

But they were both willing to risk it.

"Lyra?"

Lyra nearly dropped the apple she was eating in surprise; Pantalaimon hadn't spoken to her in days, and for him to just speak outright like that without a reason certainly shocked her. "Pan?"

"There's a letter for you at the door."

"Who's it from?" she said, walking around the kitchen counter and into the living room. The front door was open, her having just stepped outside to watch the sun rise, but she hadn't realized there was a letter there.

"It doesn't say. It only has your name on the front."

She picked Pan up in her arms as she reached the door, and he settled on her shoulder as she bent down and picked up the folded letter on her doormat. "Strange," she muttered. "If there's no postage that must mean it was hand delivered."

"Open it," said Pantalaimon impatiently. He had a growing, uneasy feeling in his stomach…

Lyra flipped the letter over and unfolded it, and began to read it aloud:

__

Dear Lyra,

I wouldn't be surprised if you laughed and threw this letter out, thinking it to be some sort of crude joke. Would you believe me if I said it wasn't?

It was so many years ago that after a brief meeting in the Botanic Garden we had to part forever. I'm sure you remember, I know I haven't gone a solitary day without thinking about it.

Lyra was crying. How _dare_ someone write that letter and actually _give_ it to her--

"Don't, Lyra," said Pan. "The letter said not to think it was a joke."

"But Pan! It can't be real, it _can't_. How could he get it to us?"

"Just because you don't believe it, that doesn't mean it isn't real. Read the rest."

She continued:

__

If I still remember you well enough, I bet at this point you will be crying and refusing to believe this letter was actually written by who you think, and Pantalaimon will be telling you it's real… If you only do one other thing in your whole life, Lyra, please listen to Pan right now.

I'll explain everything. Come to the Botanic Garden tonight at midnight, and I promise you that you won't regret it.

Love always and forever,

Your Will.

"Oh, Pan," Lyra cried, sobbing into his fur. "How can it be real? How can it be _real_?"

"Maybe it is," Pantalaimon said. "Maybe it isn't. The only way we'll find out is if we go."

A/N: Lol that letter was just totally messed up. I can't write love letters, if you haven't noticed. Review!


	7. First Glance of First Love

****

Somewhere Out There

Chapter Seven - First Glance of First Love

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :)

Lyra looked in the mirror. Would Will even recognize her? Her golden hair wasn't below her ears anymore and she was taller and wiser and freckled… And most importantly, she was grown, they both were… They both had changed so much.

"What if he doesn't like me anymore?"

"Nonsense," said Pantalaimon; he was speaking again, and Lyra thought maybe she saw even a little bit of his naivety they both obtained before they walked over the bridge in the north, as they waited impatiently for the hours to pass. "Of course he does."

She tied her French braid with a band and slipped on a white headband that matched her perfectly white sweater; she adjusted her peacock blue dress and sighed nervously, glancing at the clock.

"We still have an hour," Lyra said. "And Collin isn't home from work yet. Do you think we should leave now?"

"If you want," said Pan, but she could tell he was fidgeting with anxiety.

"Let me just get my book so I can read while we wait." She ran upstairs and retrieved her tome, and ran just as fast back down the stairs. Her hands were sweaty and shaking, but she was too desperate to reach the garden to stop and calm herself. She threw open the door and ran headfirst into a tall figure.

"Darling!" Collin exclaimed, enveloping her in a hug. "How sweet of you to come greet me. Did you miss me?"

"Of course," Lyra laughed nervously. "D-dinner's on the stove, it's probably cold by now. But I'm sure it won't take long to warm it up."

"Where are you going?" he said, leading her inside.

"J-just for a walk," she answered, and for once, because it was so close to the time when she would finally meet Will again, all lies failed her. "Y-you don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course not! I know how much you love the fresh air. Just don't be home too late." He kissed her gently and she smiled before opening the door and leaving.

"Are you okay?" Mary asked with a grimace as Will walked out of the bathroom after being sick.

"I'm just nervous, that's all," he said, and Mary nodded, having heard all about the letter.

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon."

"But it's only eleven!"

"I know. I just can't wait much longer."

Mary smiled, enjoying the site of two people so in love. "Well… I want to hear all about it when you get back." She squeezed his arm tenderly and said, "Good luck," before walking down the stairs.

"Better get dressed," he muttered, and turned to walk into his bedroom when he shouted in surprise. Xaphania was standing in his doorway.

"Hello, Will," she said. "So I see you made your decision."

Will swallowed and nodded.

"Then you've chosen well. You've learned not to listen to the wiser ones just because they are of good judgment."

Will didn't say anything, only nodded again.

"Here. This is for you." She put a nearly invisible hand forward, and in the dim light of the hall Will saw a golden chain glinting delicately.

"What is it?" he asked, allowing her to drop it in his hand.

"Look closely."

He did so and gasped. It was a miniature alethiometer, all of gold, with little barely recognizable symbols along the edges, and two petite handles; it wasn't any bigger than an American quarter, and possibly the most beautiful piece of jewelry he had ever seen.

"I think you know what to do with it," said Xaphania amusedly.

"Thank you," said Will, but for the second time that day, when he looked up, the angel was gone.

Only as Lyra and her dæmon made their way towards the Botanic Garden did everything really become clear to her: she was going to see Will. Even after being told that she would never, _ever_, see him again, she was _actually going to see Will_.

"What's wrong?" said Pantalaimon as tears streamed down her face.

"We're going to see them again, Pan," she said, and she cried harder than even before when she had wept her grievances into the Master of Jordan College's robe. "It's like a dream come true, isn't it? I never thought we would be seeing them again, never…"

And then they were there. They were at the gates to the garden and Lyra was opening the lock with the key the Master gave her, and they were walking into a place they rarely went to except for Midsummer's Day… And Lyra was sitting down on the bench that always brought her to tears, except this time she was crying because she was so happy…

…And Will, in his own world, was crying too. He had walked into Lyra's world until he found the garden, then had cut his way back into his own world, leaving a whole just wide enough for him to peer through. He had seen her come, crying, sitting down on the bench and weeping as she waited for his lost love…

Will couldn't take it anymore. Her crying echoed miserably and he longed to put his arms around her and protect and comfort her… He opened the window wider and stepped through. Her back was to him, but even so, he knew she would be even more beautiful than he had ever remembered.

And for the first time in ten years, he reached out and touched her, as if unsure if she were really there or not, and his three-fingered hand rested lovingly on her shoulder.

Lyra screamed. Someone had put their hand on her shoulder and it had shocked her so much, because she _swore_ Pan and her had been alone… She was about to grab her dæmon and run, but as she looked, she saw the hand was missing two fingers and--

"Will?" she whispered, not even daring to turn around.

Will's heart jumped. She spoke quietly and softly, the sweetest sound he had ever heard, and not until then did he realize just how much he had missed the melodious sound of her voice. "L-Lyra?" he said uncertainly.

"Oh, Will," she cried, and she clutched desperately to his hand still on her shoulder; but she didn't turn around. She couldn't turn around.

Pantalaimon bounded from the shadows of the bench and leapt towards Kirjava, hiding behind Will's legs. The two tackled and rolled along the grown, mewing and crying aloud for all the happiness they felt.

The feeling Will and Lyra experienced as the two joined once again was one they would never forget.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long! I had the next five parts written, I just didn't feel like posting them. I think this is my worst chapter so far. Ugh. I hate it. It's getting a little too sappy, too. I think I should tone it down a bit. Sorry this was so short! The next part will be much longer, I promise. The longest chapter yet.


End file.
